I am not okay.
Wednesday, January 17, 2018
Friday, January 5, 2018
Aku insan tak sempurna. I have issues, problems etc. So sometimes i could not deliver good works or being a good teacher or being a good colleague etc.
Despite those, i still have feelings. I really wanna be good. I wanna change. I wanna prove i can do it too. But i need space. And i need to be given at least a chance. Give me the time n space i need. Let me deal with things one at a time.
People are having their own hurdles in life. And to force them, to shove your idea of being ideal to people who do not have privileges like you do is unfair. I fell down so so low; the lowest point of my life recently. 2014 was the worst year for me. 2015, i struggled so hard to pick myself up. I didn't fully succeed. 2016, i tried again, and again to no avail. I kept asking myself why people loved seeing me fail? Am i not worthy at all?
2017, i thought life would change. But it was just the same. There was light at the end of the tunnel. But the end was far far away. Too far for my reach. 2018. Nothing is great for now. I am still trying to pick myself up. Orang kata move on. But how to when people keep on trampling on you?
I am not perfect. So sometimes i made mistakes. I lost my motivation and passion. I felt betrayed. I succumb to my own ordeal.
Aku dah penat. Penat cuba nak betulkan keadaan tapi masih tak betul-betul. Mungkin betul aku sebenarnya bodoh, dan tak reti buat kerja. Mungkin.